We had a nice day. U stayed over my place & we had lunch together before u went for ur training. U bought me my favourite egg tarts when we walked past da bakery, cup noodles to keep my hunger pangs away in da middle of da nite & honeyed lemon tea to soothe my sored throat. U even bought me my favourite flavour of Halls candies, knowing tat i haf sweet cravings. Tat's u, always thoughtful & caring. Tat's u, Roger. We had no qualms wot absence from each other is all about cos we're practically seeing each other 24/7. We spent most of our times squibbling over trival matters which doesn't realli concern anything about us but somehow or rather da squibbling brings us closer. Those lil fights we had were actually tools of cohesion between us.

U love me like u've never love before. U dote on me in every aspect u cud. U gave me all u had even thou u noe u'll be left with nothing eventually. Me? i reckon i jus took every single thing i received from u for granted. This is a bad sign cos this goes to show tat i do not noe how to treasure..i mean it. Da feeling of knowing tat i'm of such characteristics realli frightens me. i might take u for granted & not treasure u. i'm afraid tat da day i'm gonna lose u is approaching. Da fear in mi returned again...

U think tat u realli spoilt me & i told u tat it's not too late to stop but u insisted tat u like to spoil me cos u noe i love to be spoilt by u. U noe tat's true & added tat it seems like i never spoil u at all, dun even give a damn & bother abt u thou u spoilt me so much. All these words stabbed right into me & had me bleeding internally. i can never describe da sudden rush of pain tat was so swift & deadly. i noe it jus hurt. It dawned on me tat i was never a gud gf to u. i never made any efforts regarding our relationship. i'll picked on lil issues to start an arguement which i noe i'm at fault but got off scott-free in da end, having u to hoax me if i got angry when i lose da verbal fight.

U said i'm petty, yes i am. U said i'm too sensitive, i admit. U had me walking in my rusty mind, thinking of wot i shud do to minimise da damage we had inflicted onto each other...

Here's a song tat i think i cud relate to currently...Nelly Furtado : Try

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

All i can do is try. . .

Down Zouk last nite for da Frontal re>FRESH Party. Hunting for fresh nu DJs, they had this SSDJ going on, where bedroom jocks got their chances to be a SuperStar DJ. Our very own David took part in it & everyone of us went down to show our support & love for him! YES!! He won!! He & another dude got into da finals which will be held in Phuture on June 5th! i shall go cheer him on & wish tat he will emerge as da champion! We're all waiting for ur upcoming sets ya? *huggies my pal* =P

Roger & i din stayed on & party with da rest. We headed to Central Mall to look for Zhikai. Wanted to head to OH Cafe but went to The Reading Room for some food instead. It's a very cosy place to chill, with food catered to u, soccer matches going on & da best point is tat, smoking is allowed in da air-conditioned area! Oh..Rick, Ray & Jasmine were there too. After eating, we went separate ways. Roger & i accompanied Zhikai to walked to Chijmes to look for Aaron, Anki & Dennis. After tat we took a cab back to Roger's place. We turned in early as Roger got games today.

Despite sleeping early, Roger's late. LOL. Luckily i woke up at 8am to minimise being late. He got ready in 15 minutes & *poof* !! we're outta da house. Shared a cab to Kallang where his games were held & i continued da journey back home.

At this time, Roger shud be having his games. Hope he plays well & his team win both matches! JIA YOU wor dear!! *muacks* Hehehe. Wait for u to come my place after u finished ur games..den go back ur house for dinner! Love u babY!!

Happy Birthday to mi, Happy Birthday to mi, Happy Birthday to yiyi...Happy Birthday to mi! Can't believe it, i'm 20 today. My age has hit da digit 2 in front. GOSH! Soon, i'll be 21, 22, 23 & so on. =\

Met up with Roger at Bugis after having dinner with my parents. He bought mi a tulip & chocolates. Hehehe! He looks so kute when he's shy. LOL! After tat. we walked over to Suntec to grab some sushi. Okie, not some but LOTS! He's hungry. Haha. Zhikai & Steve were stunned to see da amount of sushi we had in our hands.

Today also marks da 1st month anniversary of our relationship. i made him a card which took great pains to do it. Hope he appreciates it. =P

Lastly, i wanna say, " i love u dear. Thanx for everything u've given mi! *muacks*"

Jus got home from Roger's place. Had a fun nite last nite. He had organized a BBQ @ his place to advance celebrate my bday which falls on 23rd March, so sweet of him. i'm gonna be 20 soon. i'm a BIG gal real fast.

Roger's mummy helped us to buy da foods we needed. Thanx auntie! Peeps turned up at about 9pm. Zhikai, Steve, Adrian, Ken, Alfred, Weiren, Alern, Mike & Jo were da guests. A BIG Thank You to u guys for coming. Thanx Jo, Calvin & Weiren for da birthday cake. i like it very much! Hehehe. Thanx to my baby for all da trouble he took for this BBQ. i appreciated it. Luv ya! *muacks*

We had much fun chatting, watching soccer matches & playing mahjong. Roger betted on soccer matches. i din wanna noe da teams he took. i was worried, indeed. i wasn't upset thou, jus plain worried. i dun wan him to lose any cash. Who wans to lose anyway..rite? i burnt my fingers due to soccer-betting & i learnt my lesson extremely well. Tat explains why i'm acting paranoid. Luckily, Heaven is on his side. He won a lil spare cash, sufficient for him to get thru this month. Thank God! i reckon Lady Luck is smiling on him cos he also won a small amount of money from da mahjong game. Hahah. Lucky Baby! =D

Roger was tired tat he skipped umpiring this morning & went back home to sleep. He actually got ready & stuffs, preparing to set off to padang. He cudn't take da fatigue & wans to go back home to sleep before he goes work in da noon. So, Roger & i went back & slept. We woke up at noon..GOSH!!!! He starts work at tat time. LOL. He was kinda relunctant to go work but still dragged himself outta da house. Poor thing. He called his working place & told them he wud be late. i hope he won't get a scolding man. =\

Alritey, gonna go take a lil nap. Lacked of sleep. Ciaos mates!!

Had dinner @ my grandma's place jus now together with my family & Roger. Roger stuffed himself with lotsa meatballs & became a meatball himself. But i simply love da way he is. hehehe! =D

Down Zouk with Roger & da rest of da mambo kakis. Having quite alot of fun on da centre platform. i was happily declaring "war" with these 2 gals. Stood in front of mi & blocked mi from having space. fu*k those bitches! =X They were so persistent man! Anyway, after being whacked by mi so many times, they decided to go down. *YAY!!* Finally, i got them off my back. Hahaha. Head over to Roger's place for soccer & crashed there. Came home onli in da morning.

Missing my baby right now. . .

Met up with Roger, Weiren, Ken & Jo for dinner & kopi session @ s-11. Nice dinner. Had da mushrooms noodles again. i had it last nite after Roger & i walked to s-11's washroom to relieve ourselves. lol.

Headed Haagen Dazs for some ice-cream! It's actually a complimentary dessert cos i've got da voucher. We had Cookies'n'Cream & Macadamia Nut flavour, topped with strawberries & almond flakes! Yummy!



Weiren met up with us after sending his gf back home cos she's sick. Anyway, Speedy Recovery to her! =))

It's finally Wednesday! Shud be down @ Zouk for Mambo together with Roger. Will be hitting da sacks early tonite so i won't be late for tml. Hee! =P

Alrite, click here for da sushi galore! Enjoy!! ^^

When will i learn to stop being so selfish? When will i learn to be more giving? When will i learn to be brave? When will i learn to be independent?

Meeting up with u was a mistake. Yes, i was happy tat i cud see u cos i missed u so much. But again, inconsideration overcome mi. U came to fetch mi at my place from ur place moments after u reached home from work. U had a long & tiring day, juggling with skool & work. i noe u're tired. i noe u wish u cud jus lie on ur bed comfortably. i noe u wud sacrifice all those jus to see mi even thou if it's jus a few minutes or seconds. i noe u're willing to. i feel so bad. i'm spoilt by u & i enjoyed being spoilt. i'm fuk up. Yes, i am...

i noe my silence killed u literally. i din mean it & i noe it's a lil too late to apologise by now. Wot's done been done. It won't come undone. If i cud turn back time, i won't agree to meet up with u, but no, i cudn't turn back da time. If morons are considered smart, i think i'm da world's silliest gurl ever standing.

Currently listening to : Gareth Gates - Anyone of us (a stupid mistake)

Jus woke up from my sleep. Crashed at Roger's place last nite again to watch soccer. Zhikai & Steve were around too. i met Roger @ his workplace after his work. It was meant to be a surprise visit cos i jus wanna pass him a lil note. We went to meet Alfred @ Lucky Plaza later on & proceeded to Spinelli for kopi.

Sat : Went to ECP for blading & cycling with Aaron, Anki, Zhikai, Steve, Dennis & Eddie. i actually hurt my left foot while blading. Luckily Roger's around. He never fails to be there for mi. *smiles*



Den it started to rain heavily but we (except Aaron & Anki) still headed to S.O.S & had dinner @ OH! Cafe where Gerald pehpeh's working. It was a nite of NTU's bash. Bumped into Alicia & Yaohua in there. Quite a surprise cos it's been a long time since i've seen da both of them. hurhur. i had a lil drop too much & puked. i've got Roger so worried. Sorry dear. =\

Fri : Waited for Roger to end work & met up wif Zhikai & da rest too. Had a long day & all of us went home around 6.30am

i miss my Roger baby so badly but he's working right now. Wonder when's da next time i'll be able to see my baby again. He'll be having training tml & Wed is approaching. Wed = Mambo. Dunno whether he wans to go anot. i'll go if he's going. Hehehe. =P

Jus got home. Was at Roger's place last nite. He had his last paper yesterday & so we went for sushi buffet @ Sakae Sushi together with Zhikai. We had a great time eating & luffing. i took some pics of da sushi. i'll post it up again once i received them, cos it's taken with Roger's fone. All 3 of us were so full tat we practically hafta drag ourselves outta da place. After tat, Roger & i proceeded to my grandma's place for dinner.

Spent hours down there, waiting for my aunt to come back. i knew my aunt wud like to tok to mi so i've ain't no choice either but to wait. Roger was so tired tat he actually dozed off several times @ grandma's place. So aunt "preached" to Roger & i but it was getting late & we decided to catch da last bus beforehand. Den again, da "preaching" lasted for quite some time so we had no choice but to take a cab back to Roger's place.

On our way back, i kept quiet thruout da journey. Da silence was deafening & Roger started to probe, asking why am i being so quiet. i din wanna say anything even after we reached home. i jus isolated myself. Roger continued asking. No, i wasn't irritated. In fact i felt cared for. He's realli concern & doesn't wan mi to keep everything to myself. We made a pact tat we wud not hide anything from each other. i dun feel like toking. i dun wish to open my mouth & say anything. He knows clearly wot's going on but he wans to hear it from mi. i asked for a pen & paper & told him to leave mi alone while i went to da living room to pen down my tots & feelings. After reading it, Roger too, wrote something back in return. He assured mi. He made mi felt loved & cared. His words touched mi deeply & tears began to drop. i hurt his heart once again. It was unintentional. i jus cudn't help it. Sorry.

Carol from CentraMed called. My old working place. She asked mi to work @ Marine Parade this evening. i dun feel like working cos i'm tired. i din haf a gud sleep. & also, they post mi all around. Whicheva branch nids peeps to help out den they'll call mi. i dun like da idea. i noe i'm a fusspot but tat's mi. Why din they jus stationed mi at a particular branch? i jus hate da idea. Roger asked mi to go work, yet i'm stubborn & dun wanna listen to him. Yes, i'm wildful, i dun deny. i refused to tok to him. Even till now, this very moment, he jus sms-ed mi & i gaf him short answers. i'm not pist with him neither am i irritated by him.

i hate myself. Someone pls slap mi awake. i'm still in my dreamland. i'm asleep. i've not awoken.

Lastly, i jus wanna say, Sorry dear. It's all my fault. i've made mistakes. i won't expect u to forgive mi cos i noe i'm da one who always gives u troubles. Dui bu qi, wo ai ni. =(

My Roger baby has jus left my place. i jus hate da feeling being alone without him by my side. i guess i'm way too selfish & overboard to ask him to spend more time with mi althou he was here since afternoon but i jus feel weird without him around mi. i feel like a part of mi is missing. When he's around, he completes mi, but when he's not, i feel lonely. i can't describe da feeling.

Now he has gone home, i'm starting to miss him badly. So bad tat tears welled up. No, i din drop tears. i dun wan him to see mi crying which hurts his heart as well. i noe it hurts him too when i cry or when i'm upset but i jus cudn't help it. i'm a worrier or rather much of a thinker. i think too much.

He's right. i shudn't trouble daddy to send him back. i shud understand daddy's plight.

i'm sorry dear. Sorry for ignoring u jus now. Sorry for being unreasonable. Sorry for being wildful... *sobs* =(

It's been long since i last blogged. Getting lazier as da days go passed. Been busy wif BGR too. i found my guy. Roger. A gift from heaven to me. i'm thankful i've got him. He's da best thing tat happened & made my life complete. Had been spending many days with him at his place & it feels weird now as i'm back at home, alone, without him by my side. i'm beginning to miss him already.

i pray for Thursday to come so tat i wud be able to see him again. He'll be having his common test later, on Wednesday & his last paper on Thursday. We'll not be going to Zouk on Mambo cos i jus hope he'll spend a lil more time revising his studies. Dear, i hope u'll do well later.

Signing off with lotsa hugs & kisses...i luv ya! =)

P/S : eye candy for u peeps!

yiyi
aries
procrastinator

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