i dun mean to bite u.
u made me so mad.
i dunno tat it hurts so much tat u actually punched into my wall several times.
this frightened me.
suddenly i realised i brought u sadness, hurt & physical pain.
i realli dunno how to carry on with this r/s.
i decided tat i dun need u anymore.
i dun need u to be by my side.
i dun need u to wipe my tears away.
i dun need u to hug me & give me comfort.
i dun need u to bear all da torment.
i onli think abt da present.
i never did think abt da future.
i din even wanna dwell on da consequences of my decision.
i dun care wot will happen.
i jus noe tat i wont be bringing u anymore torment.
wot wud u do if u were me?
is my decision selfish?
den wot abt if i leave things as it is?
aint tat selfish either?

nitemare.
deja vu.
fear.

take da pain away.
hold me in ur arms.
stop my heartaching.

unbreak my heart.
undo this hurt.
uncry these tears.

In case u all thought tat i went missing, i'm back to explain my disappearing. Olympics is into their 12th or 13th day. Lotsa sports action been telecast on several channels on TV & i'm addicted.

Yeah, Roger is back from Hatyai for almost a week.

Today embarks our 6th month anniversary into da relationship. Not much of a need to celebrate so i jus whipped up pasta as dinner for Roger. Hope he enjoys da food.

Thinking back, time realli flies. Every moment tat flashed in da back of my mind seems vivid. It feels like da 1st meeting & da 1st date. i'll spare da details. i feel like we're still in our honeymoon period. i remembered u saying tat ur past honeymoon periods lasted for very long & so u shall prove it to me. u have done it & did a great job in keeping da love alive. 1st love is usually da most unforgettable & sweetest relationship in life. Tat goes for u but not for me. u noe da reason why. =) u've said tat thou i'm not ur 1st love but u'll try making me ur last. i hope u realli meant wot u said. i dun ask for much, i onli ask for love, honesty, trust, respect & faithfulness. i admit i do flaw in a couple of these 5 aspects i asked for but i'm learning as i grow & i wan u to learn these as well so as to further enhance our relationship. People say "Opposites attract" & we're attracted to each other but we do have our common similarities too. Shud i call this Fatal Attraction? haha! u're deadly to me & vice versa. A lil reminder over here, anyone in breach of contract shall marry da other party & take his/her surname. Soon u'll be Roger Teo. *chuckles*

Actually i've got more to say but somehow my brain doesn't seem to function as well as wot i expected. Prolly i'll drop by again to edit this entry.

Ciaos!

Mambo was okie last nite. Minus off da squeezing + pushings, glares & fights, it wud be quite a fun nite. It was a surprise Steve came since i haven't seen him in such a long time. Realli miss crapping & having fun with him around. haha!

Da duel of getting on da centre platform between clubbers was going on as usual. i, stood at S-platform, for a change. Anyway it makes no difference where i stand. i'll be jus dancing some songs & stone a few songs. lol. Far too many ppl wanna get up & yea, there're limited spaces.

While dancing halfway thru a song, some peeps came up & stood behind Huiqing & Michelle, Danny's girlfriend. One guy stood directly behind Huiqing, trying to get fresh with her. She ignored him & continue dancing. i saw everything tat happened, so i went all da way to centre platform from S-platform, to rescue her. i went up, glared at him & stood right beside her. So i actually squeezed him away. hur. He backed off so i went back to S-platform. But awhile later, he came back & tried his luck again. DOH! So i sms-ed Steve about tat guy since he's jus beside Huiqing. Steve kept a lookout & jus happened tat he saw tat drunk guy touched Huiqing. Steve told tat guy nicely not to touch gals but i guess he's too high to listen to anything & started pushing around. Soon, da centre platform became a fighting ground. Some of us pulled Steve away & i charged towards centre platform to cool Steve down & oso protect da other 2 gals from getting hurt. Poor Michelle, got pushed down da platform for nothing & was elbowed too. Bouncers came to stop da fight & we had to tell them wot disgusting act tat drunk guy has done! Yup, tat drunk guy was definitely pulled out. Everything was back to normal, except we gals. Prolly still shaken by getting hit & knocked into for nothing?

Soon after, another angmoh guy squeezed up. This time round, jo got so pist tat she told tat angmoh to get down. She's realli aggresive & told him firmly to get down. Of cos da guy got a lil puzzled & was angered. Again, a lil brawl started. Jo said tat guy pulled her top. Realli zzz man! Den Melvin fought this time. duh! Luckily, no bouncers were around, if not, another round of eliminating peeps will be carried out.

After mambo, was Shell, It has became a norm for everyone of us. Quenching our thirst & chatting up. Saw Xiangzheng on da way & shared a cab with him back home cos Ken's side overload already.

i got up wif a bruise on my front cheekbone. It was all red & painful. i dun remember being hit by anyone. Or maybe i was hit during da hassel. *shrugs* ~>.<~

Roger is in Hatyai, Thailand, now. He flew yesterday afternoon & i went to send him off. He called me when he reached da hotel & rang me again jus now to tell me tat he's having a game soon. Missing him. . .

i dun think there's anything more for me to say.
i'm jus so sick of everything.
i'm lazy.
i dun hafta repeat.

i like to throw tantrums like a da xiao jie.
i'm like tat.
i love face very much.
i'm a loser & therefore cannot afford to lose.

i will not apologise & dun feel like accepting apologies meanwhile.
i will not give in & admit i'm at fault even thou i noe i'm in da wrong.
i forgotten da reason wot & why i'm upset & pist abt.
but i noe i'm unhappy.

might be due to da fact u're leaving & i can't bear separation, even temporary.
something seems amiss.
still nothing can change tat u'll be away for a period of time.
6 days ain't long but i jus wudn't noe wot to do w/o u.

i am not going esplanade & will not be going for fireworks.
i'd rather sit in some place where i can chill & haf company of my mad gf, vicky.
i'll prolly head there instead of esplanade.
relax & have a couple of drinks before going home to have some nice sleep thruout da nite.

sheesh.

It's been a week of recuperation for me. i've been badly ill & on da road of recovery i supposed. Having visited several doctors & popping many different medications, made mi feel as sickly. duh. High fevers which almost caused da thermometer to explode at 39.4deg.C, headaches so bad tat throbbing resembles tat of taiwan's 921 earthquake & lips cracked were my worst case senario ever.

On my 2nd day of fever, i started puking everything tat goes into my stomach. Be it solid or liquid, semi-solid or semi-liquid. They jus can't wait to rush out from my stinky oesophagus to grasp some clean oxygen into themselves. i'm losing hydration. i tried drinking 100+, da isotonic drink for atheletics. i tried sucking juices from da sweet lil china fragrant pear. Nothing seems to help & hence, i seeked help. From another doctor tat is.

This doctor examined me with special care. He checked my blood pressure, which is of normal 120/80 rate, den he pumped da cuffs so tight tat it stopped my blood flow to my right arm & left it blood-stricken for 5 mins. Tat was to check for any red spots as dengue fever cases are on da rise. After da 5 mins, i was told to wait outside for another 10 mins before any red spots show. i rested outside while waiting for da long 10 mins to pass.

Finally, da doctor called me in. He checked my arm thoroughly & noticed some red spots near my joint & suggested tat i go for a blood platelet count test. He wrote me a referral to AMKC Hospital for da test & another referral for hospitalisation in case i failed da test. i went for da test immediately & prayed for da best. Luckily, my blood platelets were above da 50,000 figure, if not i'll be admitted for dengue.

So i rested at Roger's place for 2 days & these 2 days were traumatic. i slipped in & out of consciousness. i was groggy & cantankerous. i had nitemares while sleeping. i can't stay awake for 20 mins. i ate as lil as an ant. i was weak.

Anyway, i hopped on a cab & got home to rest.

Hey, Jieyun, thanx for ur info! lol. i din noe tat bile looks so disgusting. It actually looked very much like dissolved phelgm. Eeeeeeeeeeeks!

yiyi
aries
procrastinator

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