Jus got home from work. Today was supposed to be a happy day. i slept early last night, jus to ensure i had sufficient sleep before going to Tekong to visit u, so as to present my beautiful self to u without all da yawnings, dark eye-rings & constant complaints of being tired. i woke up, got prepared & headed out excitedly. Finally i was able to see u after a week and a half. U waited for my arrival at da jetty & picked mi up when i reached. We chatted face to face, something we had not done since day 1 of ur enlistment. Den u told me tat u're allowed to book out this very day & of cos, i was more than happy. Cos finally i was able to spend quality time with u, sleep thru da night with u, have my hands secured in urs, snuggle u...

i went home on cloud nine, told mummy tat u'll be booking out tonite & won't be coming home. i packed my stuffs & even forgot to bring ur glove out. So i called daddy to fetch ur glove to me at da interchange & went to work. Den came along ur piece of bad news. Tat is so fucking fucked up & i sobbed while working in da clinic. i'm not pist off or anything. i'm jus plain disappointed & upset. It's like giving me false hopes. i super dislike this kinda feeling. U filled me with joy this moment but i crashed terribly da next. Occasionally when i thought about it, i jus cry. i dunno why. i cried on da journey back & even now when i'm at home typing this entry. i thought i'm used to da life without u by my side 24/7 but i was so wrong. i guess tat is how da phrase "Do not marry someone u can live with, marry someone u cannot live without" comes about.

Sometimes i do wonder if we can realli make it thru this relationship cos i get lonely very easily & need company always. Now tat u're in NS (BMT), u're either in Tekong or busy with ur softball trainings. Do u have time for me? i realli dunno. i jus hope this situation do get better cos i realli can't take it anymore. . .

Finally, Saturday is here! i've been waiting for this day for so long. i'll get to visit my dearest Roger in Tekong. His mom bought lotsa snacks for him & asked me to bring to him cos she gotta work. i'm ecstatic!

i went Zouk on Wednesday. Roger wasn't realli happy about da idea but yeah, i went ahead. Shall not elaborate much. Too lazy to type everything down cos i wanna sleep early so tat i could wake up early tomorrow morning!! Teeheehee! So anyway, it was practically a girl's night-out. Why? Cos, Qing, Michelle, Cam & i partied real hard without all our boyfriends. We were crazy whole night long & realli had fun! But again, something pricked in me. My conscience. i thought of my Roger again. =\

So Thursday was spent at home, until my younger sis got home. Her form teacher actually wanted someone in da family to collect her report book but mummy & daddy both were working, so i was made representative. After collection, i brought my sis to Eastpoint. We hung around da doggies corner @ Pets Safari. Guess how long we stayed? Nearly 2 hours! LOL! i was attracted to this particular baby Pomenarian. He's soooo small & shivering. i wished i could jus carry him & give him a lil warmth. Da 3 Golden Retrivers are still unsold. Hahaha! i wonder why man. i reckon it's da pricetag. $1680 lor!

Heh, time to go bed! Shall sleep early & rise early. No dark eye rings tomorrow man! Woots! imma preeeeeeeeeeeeetti lil thing, jus for my sweetheart, Roger. *smoochies*

Was late for work as usual on Mondays. Didn't have enough rest da previous nite. i only got home after midnight from work & having to wake up around 6 am in da morning, i was totally groggy. Anyway, i sms-ed my colleague, telling her tat i wud be there at about 9am, & fell back into sleep. Weather wasn't very good when i was on my way to work. It rained so heavily tat i got so frightened. Strong winds blew, tat could even blow me away! When i reached Yishun, no rain at all! -.-

Jus got a call from my Roger not long ago. Was waiting for his smses or calls since this morning. He said he was busy whole day doing drills & stuffs. Oh well, dun realli understand a single shiet. His voice is still hoarse. Luckily i bought some Difflam lozenges from da clinic so i could bring it to him during Parents Visiting Day. i think i shud make some honey water for him too. haha! Aiyah, i'm jus worried about him. hehehe.

Alrite, gonna go turn in soon. Will be working morning shift at Yishun den off to Bedok for evening shift. Earn more moolah & can buy many many nice stuffs for my Roger & myself. Most of all, ZOUKOUT tix! Yay!!

Missing u deeply, Loving u more each day. Sealed with lotsa hugs & kisses, to my dearest sweetheart, REC Roger Lau. *smiles*

SMRT buses disgust me with roaches crawling everywhere along da window panes! Arghhhhhhhh! i'm gonna lodge a complain via e-mail. Hope they do something about it man.

23rd October is our 8th month anniversary. Yet, i'm all alone by myself, with his tender loving in me, tat is. =) i admit i do feel weird without him physically but i noe his heart has always been around. How i spent my day? Work.

i went Chinablack on Friday together with Vivian, Ling, Joa, Jim + frens & Jeff. i didn't enjoy myself there cos my mind was filled with him again. i'm missing him terribly & da songs played made mi miss him even more for he sang those songs to me when we went clubbing at Black jus before he was enlisted. i sat on da couch & cried quietly. Luckily it was quite dark & no one saw me tearing. Another reason was tat i'm guilty of lying to him. i told him i was meeting Vian & Ling at PS for coffee & i'll be heading straight home after tat. In fact i reached Black already. i assured him tat i'll be fine & he need not worry about me. He asked me to give him a msg when i got home & i agreed to it. So, at around 1am, i sms-ed him, telling him tat i'm home. Soon after tat, guilt came over me. Jim + frens saw my sian look & showed a lil concern but i said i'm fine. Hope i didn't spoil their nite. Anyway, Amos drove over, together with Yang, to fetch Vian & me back. Thanx for da ride guys!

Upon reaching home, i struggled with my inner-self. Finally, i decided to come clean & be honest with him. Gladly, he understands why i lied thou i didn't voice it out. He wasn't angry at all & asked me never to hide anything from him, be it clubbing or anything else. Relieved. He knew it was jus outta pure loneliness & boredom. i wonder whether tat is wot they called telepathy. haha.

Something funny happened when i was on my way back home from work. i was waiting for my feeder bus when this guy came approaching me.
He : Excuse me, ( in Mandarin ) ke yi ren shi ni mah? ( Can i noe u? )
Me : Erm, no. i got boyfriend already.
He then hung his head. lol. This doesn't always happen to me for i'm neither drop-dead gorgeous nor relatively good-looking. i'm jus a plain jane who's onli a beauty in Roger's eye. Besides, i'm wearing a cap! i wonder how he managed to see my face man. So, he made small talks with me & in my heart i prayed for my bus to come. Fast enough, my bus came in da next minute & i boarded it. haha! *phew*

Time to go lie on bed & think of my sweetheart before drifting into sleep. Happy 8th mth's Anniversary dear! Love u lots to da power of infinity & miss u terribly dear! MUEK! =D

20th October 2004, a date to remember. My dear Roger was enlisted into NS to be a MAN in da morning. i accompanied him all da way to Pulau Tekong cos i wanna spend a lil more time to be with him before he realli starts his military life in da training grounds there. We met up with Gene at Pasir Ris. Gene is in da same coy as him but different platoons. So, we took a feeder service to SAF Ferry Terminal which is located off Changi & transited to Tekong by ferry. While waiting for da ferry, lotsa thoughts ran through my head. i wouldn't be able to see him in da next 2 weeks & realli dun bear to leave his side. Thou it's onli a short period of 2 weeks, i noe it will be a tormenting time for mi, for i'm used to see him almost every second before. 24/7. Da atmosphere was kinda tense. i kept my smile but deep down i'm crying.

We set our feets on da land of Pulau Tekong. This is my 1st time there. We looked around & da surroundings were quite alien to us. Greenery everywhere. Enlistees were separated from da rest & were ushered to da auditorium while family were brought on a short tour. It's like a lil walking guide book for parents to wot will be going on for da new enlistees in Tekong.

i witnessed da Oath-taking ceremony, followed by a speech addressed to everyone by da 2nd-in-command. After tat, we had lunch in da cook house. It was me last meal together with him. It was great, but only for da day, as agreed by both Roger & Gene. i saw 2 sec sch mates during da enlistment exercise & i saw 1 mate on duty at da cook house. Quite a surprise. Haha! Lunch was over, i had to leave. Roger walked me to da jetty & we bidded goodbyes. He left for his new phase of life while i went back, still as a civilian, to our lil island.

i miss him terribly. i won't be able to see him da moment i wake up. i won't be able to see him sleeping so soundly beside me. i won't be able to pinch his face. i won't be able to snuggle him when i feel like it. i won't be able to hug him. i won't be able to eat with him. There will be no one to sleep with me. No one to tease me. No one to let me snuggle. No one to hug me. No one to eat my leftovers. No one to kiss me. No one to talk to me.

He filled my mind. Wondering whether he can cope his new life in da military island. Has he made any new frens there? Is he eating well there? Can he take good care of himself there? How i wish i'm there. Seeing him is sufficient for now. i dun ask for hugs & kisses. i jus want to see his well-being.

i will be looking forward to 30th October, Parents Meeting Day. Then, i'll be able to see him once again. i'll tell him how much i missed him. Think tat will be when he'll be placing my heart back to its original place for i left it with him da very moment we parted our ways. How i wish he's here to chase my insomnia away. i miss my Roger terribly.. *frowns*

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